Didn't sleep much last night. Kept thinking about the match. We were totally outplayed. The tricks used weren't new to me, but I was just too rusty to prevent my team from being ripped apart.

Felt so frustrated at my own helplessness. In that match, I wasn't a game changer at all. Sat up all night reflecting over it. Thoughts went back to a time in TP, when I was an avid gamer... part of a DOTA team... we were going to take part in the Nationals... and then priorities shifted... and I gave it all up.

But even then, I was the same. I always shunned the role as DPS or Hero Killer... but rather trained solely as a supportive healer or stunner. Preference I guess. Maybe there was a time when I would have craved for the power rush that came with domination. But it had come to pass. The peak, it was a lonely place.

I would be the prankster. I would be the lamester. I would be the protector. And I would find fulfillment. That's what I told myself.

But, on days like this... bad days like this... doubts gather. Practice makes perfect. The more you fight, the more you hurt, the more you kill... the better you get.

So then... can the one who protects... really be strong enough to save his loved ones... from the one who takes? Or is it all just poetic justice limited to literary works?

Source: Photobucket

He who fights with monsters should be careful, lest he thereby becomes a monster...