Sometimes, in life's little ways, a message can be hit home hard.

Earlier, in month, I had received a graduate employment survey from TP. Yesterday, I received the graduate employment survey from NTU.

And reality just snapped at me.
Yes, everyone has moved on, but I'm still stuck here.

It is crummy that strikes are occurring in UK and I'm affected by it.
It is crummy that the project might be in jeopardy.
It is crummy that I'm going nowhere fast.

"... Stop and stare,
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere.
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared.
But I've become what I can't be... "

Darn it. The only comfort I guess, is that the Prof did ask the opinion of my references. As rejections are not informed, I guess it is up to my own discretion.

"... Stop and stare,
You start to wonder why you're here not there.
And you'd give anything to get what's fair.
But fair ain't what you really need... "

I can tell that the stress is getting to me.
Outbreaks even with regular sleeping hours.
Refreshing my gmail more than facebook.

These days, I'm just dreading gatherings. Friends. Family.
Always the same questions.
The same ones that haunt me each night.
The ones, which I too wanna know the answers to.
I know they mean well.
But it is just harder to keep a straight face with each passing day.

I'll give it another week.
Another hopefully 7 days.
Another long 168 hours.

I really need a distraction.

Christmas shopping seems to be helping.
I really love shopping for presents.
Especially when I'm about to start a new chapter.

To me, it is a journey down memory lane.
Reliving all the times spent together.
Past jokes. Dreams shared. Arguments fought. Tears shed.
The gift is never the target, but a culmination of the process.
Although it may seem totally random at times, it is not.
One way or another, it reflects the moments that our lives intertwined.
Moments that I hold dearly.

So yeah, if you are reading this and do receive a gift this Christmas, don't feel bad.
I do set aside cash throughout the year for this period.
From not going on holidays, not getting new clothes/specs, blogging, book scholarships and such.
All I hope is that random it may be, the gift has value to you to.

And if sadly you don't get a gift from me, don't take it to heart.
As much as I could save, the budget is pretty tight this year, so yeah.

Merry Christmas to all in advance!